Here Is Me On Tragedy
by butimbroken
Summary: Buffy/Angel. Angel's life was turned upside down ten years ago when he saved a young girl by the name of Buffy Summers. Mature Themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Not Mine.**

Still humming the last song that she'd heard on the radio, Cordelia grabbed a little tighter onto the newspaper in her hands as she pulled out her keys, unlocking the office doors so she could make her way inside.

Sitting her things down, along with the large box of donuts that she'd also been somehow carrying, she went over to begin working on the first pot of coffee of the day. When she'd got that started, she went over to the file cabinets to pull out a few files then began making her way to her desk to check for any messages when she finally spotted him.

Angel was sitting, rather uncomfortably looking, over in Wesley's chair. His head was tilted back and his eyes were closed, he was still wearing those boots and his leather duster. He did not look to be in the best shape by a long shot, all busted up, bruised and blood over there.

She took a moment to appraise him in this state before turning the lights on, giving a smile his way when his eyes slowly began opening up. "Hey there Champ," she greeted, "Busy night?"

Angel groaned, moving in the chair. "You could say that."

"Well," she smiled again, waving the newspaper at him. "At least you made the front page again."

Angel groaned again, this time less out of his physical pain. "Great," he muttered.

Cordy rolled her eyes and sat down in her chair, messing around with some of the papers and files scattered about. "You know, most people would kill for your kind of fame. You're a _superhero_ for Christ sake, Angel! You act like it's a curse."

'Well, in some ways it is,' he thought.

Angel sighed and rubbed his forehead for a moment. For the past ten years, shy of a few more days, this had been his life. He didn't regret it or anything like that, he just wished it was a little more... private. Like it had been... _once_. Instead, he was sort of in a comic book hero world. He didn't exactly have some horribly embarrassing costume.. at least not usually, though he had dressed up for certain jobs a time or two... something he wanted to forget... but he had his 'game face' as Cordelia called it. And it helped him in a lot of ways with all of his media attention. There weren't too many people out there who knew who he was when it wasn't out to play. At least that he could be thankful for.

He didn't have a Bat Signal either, but after getting a small team together he did get a small office. Well, actually there were two small offices. One that was more for show then one for the more serious cases.

Then... there was the media spotlight. Something he hated from the beginning. It was never something he wanted, nothing he ever asked for. He was just doing his job... no, just doing what he thought was best. Doing what he thought was right. But.. eventually... he started getting noticed.

It wasn't completely out of control... yet, but it was still more than he wanted to deal with. Being on the news, in the paper, in magazines and so forth... that really was never the plan. But, what could he do. Lashing out, going into hiding, quitting, moving to another city in need.. they sounded good in many ways but it wasn't really an option. Laying low worked for awhile, but the more people wanted to see him, the harder that got. Now he just tried to bear through it... usually.

He often wondered, though figured he already knew, what people would think if they really knew about him. About who he really was, or who he'd been, if they knew of the things he'd done, if they knew...

He was over two hundred years old, lived through three names, and a few more lives.

First, there was Liam, the human. And with Liam there was the boy who he once was and then the man he'd grown to be. As a child, he could still remember being so happy and free, smart and playful. He was a bit rebellious and bit of a trouble maker, but nothing extreme, nothing like what he would later become. He was hard working and determined, a protective older brother, caring and gentle boy... but somewhere, he still couldn't pin point where exactly, it all changed. He placed it in his earlier teens and maybe even his preteens, but sometime along the way, he'd become nothing but a disgrace. A useless and pitiful excuse for a human. He was foul, a drunk, cheater, abuser, ungrateful, nasty son of a bitch... just to put it mildly. And in the end, that's what got him to the next phase of his life.

Angelus.

_Angelus. Angelus. Angelus._

To say that Angelus was a vampire would do him no justice. Not only because he still was a vampire, just with some extra baggage, but because Angelus was everything and more. He was a murder, an embodiment of pure evil, a monster, an animal, a machine... he was... he didn't have the right words for just what Angelus was. No one seemed to. Anything you could say, and many did, were true... but none did him justice. The worst thing you think of would still fall flat at his feet.

Vampires and other creatures kill, the murder, the torture. They feed, they breed, they survive. They plan, they destroy, they control. He just wanted... carnage. He had no means to become a ruler, take over the world, or to destroy it... none of that petty shit. He just wanted to kill, rape and murder. He wanted to drive people insane, he wanted to play and trick around with their minds, he wanted to inflict pain. He wanted chaos to follow behind him, wanted everyone to fear even the mention of his name, he wanted... he just wanted.

Eventually that life came with a price. His soul. Quite a hefty price too after all he'd done.

From there had came going insane new vamp with a soul times, suicidal ones, traveling endless days at a time with just trying to survive somehow one day to the next, there was a short lived return to Darla and the gang and trying to pretend he was his old self though he was anything but, there were times he'd just hide from the world, a few times where he'd tried to pretend to be human... He went through a lot of changes.

Right before he started down this road, he had given up all over again. He was living out on the streets of New York then Boston then Detroit... and so on until he reached California, feeding on rats blood to survive, hiding from the world. He gave up trying to be around people at all, around anything at all. He'd given up living out of apartments and motels, treating himself to clothes or real meals or anything at all that he knew he did not deserve, never did. This he didn't even deserve.

But... somebody had other plans for him.

One night, he met Whistler who was a demon sent by 'The Powers That Be' to lead him down a new road, hand him a new destiny. And it all started with an eight year old girl by the name of Elizabeth Anne Summers.

OoOoO

"So Buffy, have you ever been to LA before?" Willow asked her new roommate as continued to get to know each other better as they unpacked.

Buffy looked over her shoulder at the redhead and smiled. "Yeah, once."

"Really? When?"

"Oh, about ten years ago." Buffy smile grew, remembering the last time she'd been here. Something that had stayed with her ever since. More importantly, the someone who had stayed in her mind since.

OoOoO

Staring at a rather large poster of Angel, Buffy turned to Willow, "So, what's his deal anyway?"

It had been two days, two days too many and Buffy just couldn't make it another without asking. She's managed somehow through the past few, even when Willow had mentioned him earlier, and not to mention just about everyone else seemed to have too. But for some reason it made her nervous so she remained quiet, listening for anything helpful.

She was ready to burst though.

But now here she was, standing in front of a kiosk-style shop at the mall where she and Willow had come to spend their first real free time that selling 'Angel memorabilia' and figured it as good of a time as any.

Willow immediately smiled brightly, her whole face lighting up, as she started. And Buffy let her talk and talk, spilling out, with great enthusiasm, everything she knew and/or had heard about him. And Buffy quietly listened, letting it all sink it, mentally checking anything she could use, and fought the urge to bombard the redhead with a thousand questions she had burning inside.

When she started into story after story that she knew, Buffy stopped her though, asking if she'd ever met the dark hero.

Willow smiled and shook her head. "No.. well... no. I mean, I haven't been rescued by him or anything like that.. thankfully I haven't need to have been! But... I think I might have seen him in an alley once or twice. I'm not sure though... but it could have been."

Buffy took a deep breath. "Do you know how someone might... reach him?"

Willow started to open her mouth then quickly closed it, looking Buffy over for a moment with a questioning look. "Is there something wrong?"

Her eyes widened. "No, no, nothing like that. Just curious is all."

"Are you sure? I mean, I know you just met me and all, but if something is up..."

Buffy shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, I promise. I'm just curious. This is all sort of new to me and everything."And she thought, 'Well, it's not exactly a lie..'

The redhead looked her over again then shrugged. "Well... there's a few ways... so I've heard..."

OoOoO

Doyle popped a few more Asprin tablets then reached for the door. He made a crack about Wes, grabbed a cup of coffee, flirted quickly with Cordy then plopped down on the edge of Angel's desk.

Doyle nodded a hello at Whistler then tilted his head to read the front page of the newspaper Angel was buried in, not surprised to see a story about Angel and the team looking him back. He smiled and took a drink, savoring the warm liquid for an extra moment.

"Pretty nice picture there, looks like you called in Gunn after all. Say what you will about that kid, but he sure is photogenic. Although, a picture of Cordelia or Gwen or someone instead... but hey," he chuckled and took another drink. "So, what are we doing to celebrate?"

Angel lowered the paper and lifted his eyes at the Irishman. Well, man-slash-demon. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on man. Don't tell me you're not planning to do something."

Angel gave him a questioning look.

"Ten years... ringin' any bells?"

Angel sighed and looked back at the paper.

"It is ten years right?" he asked more in Whistler's direction.

"Tomorrow, kid."

"_See_. We need to celebrate!"

"I'm working."

"Take the night off! Take tonight and tomorrow off, someone else will cover and we will go get pissed. Hell, we might go straight into the weekend... and, if we're lucky, maybe even next. Come on!"

"Doyle," Angel said sternly, "You're working tonight too."

"Field too, Angel," Cordelia joined in. "Not like the other day when he can just skip off and leave you alone for me to find you a complete wreck the following morning."

"Oh, Cordelia. Why do you do this to me?"

Cordelia gave him her brightest smile. "Because I can. And it's fun."

OoOoO

"Slow night."

He heard the tone, the same one he had been hearing for the entire night. "No one is twisting your arm to stay, Doyle."

"Be that as it may, if I split I'll have a kick in the balls waiting in the morning." And he could already see Cordelia in his mind, shoes been to leave ever lasting memories coming right for him...

"Well then try and be a little more usefull then would you. Or quieter."

Doyle rolled his eyes, making some mental crack about the broody vamp as the continued prowling about the city.

For the most part, it had been a slow night and he'd spent almost the entirety of it pointing that out along with trying to convince Angel that he need to live a little.

He was about to choose one of the two roads when finally business picked up.

OoOoO

After a rather unpleasant fight with a pack of vamps that they chased a few blocks, Angel let Doyle take the last one as he walked closer the the dorm buildings in front of him. He 'checked' out two before stopping before the one he was looking for and started searching it out.. the best he could.

He didn't really know what the hell he was searching for either, but something was in there and it was pulling on him, he could feel it running through him, pulling at his heart, his mind feeling like there was something he should know.. but just couldn't figure it out...

He tried focusing on one room at a time, stopping again when he found the one and went no further. Instead, he tried to use everything he had to figure this out.

He was still so into it too that he didn't hear Doyle coming up at first, missing the odd look his friend was giving him along the way as well.

"What are ya doin'?"

Angel lifted his hand up and slid it over his chest to his heart. "I don't know," he finally answered.

Doyle shot him another look but the vampire's attention seemed to be back on whatever it was again. He sighed and looked up at the window he figured Angel was all hellbent on at the moment with him but couldn't sense anything himself. He shrugged and waited for the trance or whatever was going on to be broken, not thinking much of it.

Even less when Angel finally tore himself away and went about his business, glancing back once and wandering what was going on before blocking it from his mind until he could really get into it and wouldn't be so distracted.

At least the most he could anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

It wouldn't be long before the sun was up, he could already smell it. He knew he wouldn't have long but he also knew this was the best time he could meet and be a little less worried about a unwanted meeting with Angelus.

Spike, along with a few lackeys and his beloved Drusilla, came strolling into the offices of Wolfram & Hart as he mentally hoped this was going to be a short meeting.

"Spike," Holland greeted calmly from his desk as they entered the correct room. "And Drusilla, how nice to see you again."

Dru took a few steps closer then began to ramble off in nonsense. Spike just smiled and lit up a smoke.

After listening to Dru go on for awhile, Holland gave her an odd look, watching her go back into her place then turning back to the British vamp. "Well..."

"Was there something you needed?" Spike finally spoke, clearly irritated.

"It seems that a one Miss Elizabeth Summers is in town. We were just wondering if you... knew anything about this."

Spike smiled. "She was accepted to UCLA, I do believe," he answered, his voice rather cheerful. Spike put the cigarette back into his mouth, swung a chair around and sat down, waving Dru over to him and dragged her to his lap when she reached him. "I could probably tell you the date that she got accepted and then the day she decided to come here, if you wanted. I could tell you which flight she came on and when she arrived..."

"And none of this you thought to inform us about?"

"Nope."

"You didn't think it would be something important to mention?"

"Nope," he repeated, a huge smile on his face again.

"Do you have any idea what in the hell it is that you are doing? I want this done, I want it taken care of. Soon. I do not want to fool around and play games. I do not want to have to wait another ten years."

"Trust me, Holland, I know what I'm doing. You came to me so you wouldn't repeat your mistakes. And I won't."

"And what if they... meet?"

"Well, makes my job a little easier then doesn't it? For those of you not paying attention, if you would have been able to kill the girl before, it would have been a waste. I trust you realize that now. You'd never have gotten what you wanted from him because Angel didn't know. And until he knows exactly who she is and what she means to and for him... you never will."

"Neither of them know anything."

"Well, that's the beauty of it, isn't it?"

OoOoO

Whistler was the least recognized member of 'The Fang Gang,' something that used to irk him but now he couldn't begin to tell you how thankful he was for it.

And for not being one of the real players. He had his part and he was more than fine with it.

Deciding to pop his head in on the 'other' office, he yawned and slip inside, moving quickly through the crowd to where he needed to be.

"Well that's the thing, I don't really... have a problem... I just..."

"Ma'am?"

The girl sighed. Even from his distance away, he could hear it. He could hear her. Something had her standing out in all the fuss.

Whistler did his best to find her, whoever she was, and the second he saw who it was, he gasped in shock. His eyes were wide as he looked her over. He knew it couldn't possibly be here but he knew that it had to be all the same.

He had no idea how he knew that either but he knew it all the same too.

Slowly, he walked over to the counter where she was arguing with one of the workers still.

"Miss, there are people here with actual problems..."

"I know that," she sighed, "I just want... I just want to thank him is all."

The woman looked irritated. "I'm sure Mister Angel would appreciate that, but please, would you..."

"Angel," Whistler cut in, "Just Angel. He's not big into the Mister thing."

Buffy spun around to look at him, feeling something inside of her, something small... and strange. Something familiar too.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as calm as he could.

"Don't think I'm crazy alright? But Angel saved my life once... and I just want to thank him is all."

"Is that right?" he asked, trying harder with his voice this time.

"Yeah. It was a long time ago, God, ten years today even, and I'm sure he doesn't even remember and it meant nothing... but to me... you know. It's always stayed with me and I never got the chance to thank him for doing it I guess. I started going to school here in town as UCLA just this week actually and figured I finally would have my chance."

"You want to see Angel?" he asked, his head just the slightest bit dizzy.

"The way it's looking though... that's not going to be happening," she sighed.

"What did you say your name was?"

She paused for a moment then sighed again. "Buffy, Buffy Summers."

"Well... um... Buffy... let me see what I can do alright," he asked, too many emotions and thoughts colliding into him at once. He looked at the girl at the counter and spoke with her for a moment before leading Buffy into a little quieter area. He had no idea what was going on or what he was going to do but something had to be up... right? 'Her being here now, today especially, it has to mean something doesn't it? Add in the fact I knew who she was and who knows what else..' he thought, hoping someone else was listening as well and had some answers they'd like to share. Soon.

OoOoO

'...That guy?' Hell, she hadn't even asked him his name! 'Just great.' She'd been too caught up in everything, and now it was just added to a list of things to fret over and use for the side opposing to her actually walking into the building she'd been pacing in front of for the past several minutes. The one that she'd been told to visit instead. The one she, for some reason, came to based on.. what exactly? Some guy telling her to? A desperate need? A complete act of insanity? She really didn't know, but yes, here she was feeling unsure now, more than ever, about absolutely everything.

'Was this even really the place? What if it isn't? What if it is? What if he is really in there, like, right now? Do I even go in? Do I want to? Would it be a good thing? A bad thing? Would it be the worst mistake of my life? God, why am I even here? Why do I care about something that happened ten years ago? Why do I constantly think about him? Dream about him? Why does that night play over and over in my mind nonstop? Why do I feel him? Hear him? What does it mean? What if it's something bad? What if it's nothing at all? How much of it really happened, how much is my imagination? What if he has no idea who I am, it wouldn't be that much of a stretch, he has been busy and it was a long time ago? What if he does remember? What is it that I think I need to say to him so badly? Why do I need to see him? What happens if I do?'

And that was only a glimpse of it as her thoughts continued to run rapidly as she tried to figure out what in the world to do.

OoOoO

After the past few nights, Angel was happy to be, quite literally, sleeping like the dead... until that same damn feeling he had last night in front of the college came back, waking him up.

Angel half-opened his eyes and looked around his room, trying to figure this out as he placed a hand back over his heart and tried to sense... whatever it was... or whatever.

Nothing changed for the longest time so he wasn't ready for it when it happened, when it kept getting stronger, the tugging on his heart almost felt like... Angel's eyes slowly flew to the ceiling, focusing hard.. listening as the door opened up there.

OoOoO

Buffy inched her way after standing in front of the door with her hand on the knob for the longest time. She knew she probably would have bolted after a strange feeling came crashing into her as she stood there, but she was caught by one of the people inside before she could make a run for it.

Putting her best brave face on, she entered slowly, looking around, trying to calm herself down with no such luck.

"Hi there!" the brunette greeted, a huge smile on her face as she waved her closer.

"Hi," Buffy said too shyly and quiet for her liking... but it wasn't exactly easy with all of this going on.

"Welcome to Angel Investigations, I'm Cordelia. This is Wesley and the snoring Irishman over there is Doyle," she said, rolling her eyes. "What can we..."

"Cordy, Can I just tell you that I am getting the strongest... Oh," the green demon let out a nervous laugh.

Cordelia let one out herself and kept the grin as she looked at Lorne then at the blonde girl who'd come in obviously unknown to him. "And this... this is Lorne," she finally introduced them.

"Hi there, sugarplum," Lorne said, sticking his hand out.

Buffy only hesitated for a moment before taking it with a smile. "Nice to meet you. I'm Buffy by the way."

"Well then Buffy, what is it that we can help you with today?"

Buffy looked them all over again for a moment and took a deep breath. "Um... well... is... is he.. um... here today? Angel that is?"

OoOoO

As Doyle continued to sleep, Cordy and Wes tried to explain they were well qualified to help with whatever it was if she would just explain the situation and just really tried to get a feel for the gir, Lorne went back to wondering what in the heck was going on inside of him. And then, all of a sudden... boom... and as 'boom' left his mind, as he slightly turned, he saw Angel, who'd snuck up not long before after throwing on some quick clothes, looking as if he was lost in a trance as he looked at the blonde girl who had called herself Buffy.

He wrinkled his forehead up as he looked from one of them to the other. Curious, he rushed out an excuse and tried to subtly make his way out and over to where Angel was hiding.

"Angelcakes?" Lorne spoke a moment after watching the vampire getting flustered as he came in, ducking and looking paranoid as he tried to remain hidden before checking to make sure he hadn't been found out, making sure the coast was clear a few times before sighing loudly.

"Yeah?" he answered, his eyes back to glued on the blonde, now sitting in the chair Wes offered her as they continued to talk in there.

"Everything alright with you?" he asked, looking his friend over more carefully.

"Yeah, everything's just fine, Lorne."

"Really?" he asked, his eyes widening as a few things begun to dawn on him.

"Uh huh," he said, still off in far away land.

Lorne took a deep breath. "Angel, you are standing in a direct ray of sunlight that's pouring in from over there," he pointed, "And, in case you haven't noticed somehow, you're breathing!"

Angel's face wasn't exactly full of life and color, but it still managed to drain out even more ghostly white as he turned to face the concerned, confused and curious demon.

Angel's hand slid back over his chest to his heart again.

They shared a look.

"My heart's beating."

OoOoO

As she continued to try and get something from her, as she watched her and listened to her, finally something just clicked inside of Cordelia. She stared at her for a moment. "Excuse me, I'm sorry.. but..." she licked her lips nervously then tried to smile, "Is Buffy short for something... like say..."

"Elizabeth? Um, yeah..."

"Oh." Cordy gave a nervous laugh. "Okay. And um... what is your last name, Buffy?"

Buffy gave her a look, feeling not uneasy but close to it, but she answered anyway. "Summers."

"Oh," she breathed out, her eyes wide and she was doing her best to try and not... she didn't even know what... and while trying to think, all of a sudden she locked eyes with Angel who she noticed for the first time. It was a half of a second later when his eyes barely moved, but they were no longer strained on her and she didn't have to guess why.

"Cordelia? Are you alright?"

She only heard her faintly, but did her best to shake herself loose before planting a large, very fake smile on her face. "Yeah," she answered shakily, "I just... I'll be.. right back. Don't you move."


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy left the building with a heavy heart. She didn't get the chance to see him again and do whatever she felt she needed to, but she had written out a note on a whim.

It was at least something right?

And thankfully, they were kind enough to agree to give it to him.

She didn't doubt them but she felt like even if they didn't it was still alright. At least she got this out of her system in a way, something she'd never been able to or just never had before.

Buffy looked down at her watched and sighed before she hurried off, back to her new home.

OoOoO

Besides the whole soul-having business, once again, Angel had returned to being just a vampire. Not a... well, whatever she'd turned him into.

There were reminders of what happened, he could still almost feel all of it, but he was back. Non-breathing, non-heart beating, sunlight-burning vampire once more.

Angel ran a hand nervously through his hair then climbed out of his hiding spot and began pacing the floor.

Everyone else looked on, minus the still sleeping Doyle, all dying to say something but afraid to.

"That... that was her," Angel finally spoke, the statement coming out more like a desperate question.

"Yeah, that was her."

"Holy shit," he whispered and resumed with the pacing. "What the hell is she doing here?"

There was a long pause but Cordy cleared her throat. "Looking for you?" she offered, smiling nervously as he stopped to look at her. She jumped a little as he came flying across the room to her desk, grabbing up to pages of the note that she'd left. He looked nervously around for a moment then went into his back office, closing the blinds, locking the door and hurrying to sit down and dive into this.

OoOoO

Whistler entered the buzzing building, not surprised. He was a bit saddened over having missed whatever had happened but he knew he did have work to do given that she was suddenly around.

It may not have meant something, but if it did, he was going to find out.

But he knew he'd have loved to come with her instead.

Now more than before too.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, my God. You might want to sit down."

OoOoO

Angel was reading the note over again for about the thirteenth time when someone knocked on the door again. He growled loudly and told them to buzz off.

"Angel," Whistler called through the door, "We need to talk."

"Later," he growled.

"Ten years ago I was sent to help you. I was sent to lead you down a new path. That path started with you needing to save the life of an eight year old girl by the name of Elizabeth Anne Summers. It was a choice, one you made your mind up about the second that little girl touched you. She made your heart beat. Turns out, that was no accident, no mistake. Turns out... there's a lot you didn't know. A lot you might want to."

Angel opened the door, glaring. "I never told you about that."

Whistler smiled. "I know. Shall we?"

OoOoO

Doyle yawned, stood up and stretched. "What the hell?" he asked as a book came flying at his head. He turned to glare at Cordy. "What the hell!" he repeated.

"How can you sleep through the most important moment of your life?"

"What?"

Wesley shot her a look. "How is this the most important moment of 'his' life?"

"How isn't it? How isn't it mine and yours and countless others! Angel's going to be human!"

Doyle's eyes went bulging out of his head. 'Okay, maybe I should lay off the...' "Human?"

"It's kind of sweet actually," Wesley commented softly, a smile crossing his face.

This time it was Cordelia who shot off dirty looks. At both of them. Then at the door to where Angel and Whistler were still talking.

OoOoO

"Where were you all this morning?"

Buffy smiled as she slid into her seat. "There was just something I needed to take care of."

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah. Just a... memory... it needed to be dealt with I guess."

Willow scrunched her eyebrows together. "And was it?"

"As good as it's going to be I guess. I can live with that."

"Alright then."

"Yeah," Buffy whispered together. "Alright."

OoOoO

It was much later, the sun low enough for vamps and other demons to come out and play, when Angel emerged out with them.

Afraid of being caught, he had his 'game face' on as he left and hurried to make sure that if he had a tail he lost it quick.

When he was satisfied enough, and he was completely alone, he was back to just being Angel... or Liam... whatever. He made another check quickly then headed toward the dorms where he had no doubt that Buffy lived in.

It didn't completely pass him by that this was the first night in ages that he'd been out as himself. Human face on. And one that he was out this early in. And going to crowded places, passing hot spots, large groups and so on. With all of the mess that had come over the years, he'd really forgotten all about this side.

Wishful to avoid any situation that would require his assistance, he hurried along, racing toward the school... only to be disappointed when he easily realized she wasn't in there. And as he continued to check everywhere else around campus, he was starting to suspect she wasn't even here at all.

And then the panic starting setting in.

'Had something happened to her? Did she pack up and leave? Were they mistaken about her? About them?'

The sudden chill down his back and the pain in his chest that came out of nowhere all over again seemed to think that wasn't the correct answer.

OoOoO

Buffy knew that not many people actually knew what Angel's 'human face' looked like. But she also knew she was one of the few.

From that night, she'd never forgotten it. She never forgot any of it. Well, maybe the before and some of the after... but the middle with him? No. That was all quite clear.

And so, as she spotted the face that haunted her every other thought, she stopped dead in her tracks and as he turned to face her, the world began to spin.

As he took his first step towards her, she already felt her knees giving and she grabbed onto the closest thing she could to keep from falling.

Only that didn't turn out to be the best thing to do.

OoOoO

"Are you alright?" Angel asked softly, leaning over her as she slowly began to wake back up.

Buffy nodded slowly, looking cofused. "What happened?" she asked looking around, unsure as to why she was painfully laid out on the ground, her head dizzy and pounding...

Angel sighed, looking her over, concern written all over his face. "I should get you inside," he finally said.

Buffy just looked at him, watching closely as he came around to lift her up, only pausing to make sure it was okay. She nodded and a moment later, she was in his arms being carried with absolute ease up to her and Willow's room.

She wondered but didn't question how he knew where to go. It really didn't seem to matter, she just closed her eyes and laid her head against him just as she had when she was a little girl as he carried her back to her parents that night.

He still felt like the safest place in the world.

Buffy buried her head deeper against him as he walked, listening to his heartbeat, the one he wasn't supposed to have, breathing in the scent of his leather jacket, taking in the feeling of being back in his arms.

Angel stopped right in front of her dorm room, bringing Buffy out of her memories and fantasies. He gave an embarrassed smile as she looked at him confused all over again and nodded toward the wooden door. "I um... can't... unless you invite me.."

She wanted to smack herself. She knew that. "God, I'm sorry," she said, throwing out her own embarassed smile his way. "Angel, I..."

"It's okay. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe," he told her. It wasn't a complete lie. He had come there with different reasonings but after seeing her get hurt he did want to make sure she was okay.

Angel started to put her down but she gripped onto his jacket collar, stopping him. "I invite you in," she breathed out as his eyes burned into her.

He tilted his head, looking her over for a moment. "Okay then..." he whispered and carefully reached out one hand to the doorknob.

OoOoO

Angel carefully laid Buffy out on her bed then stepped away quickly, going to stand in almost the middle of the small room. He put his hands in pockets and looked around the area, feeling awkward and nervous. Something he wasn't exactly used to. "Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, glancing her way again.

"Yeah, I guess.. I'm just real fuzzy on what happened."

He continued to take in the room as he explained.

Apparently, she'd stepped up beside a small group of frat guys who were in an argument. Due to her having been seeing him and seeing nothing else, she hadn't noticed. And in trying to keep her balance, she'd made the mistake of grabbing one of them and out of nowhere and by his own mistake, he swung around and knocked her out.

Angel was glad to explain he was there only a half second later, taking care of it.

Buffy's hand reached up, probing around, making her wince. "Oh. Well.. guess that explains that..." she looked up at him and smiled though. "Guess I should thank you for coming to my rescue... you know... again."

He shrugged. "Wouldn't have happened if I wasn't here in the first place."

"Could have."

"Yeah," he mumbled, feeling more horrible about it by the minute.

"What were you doing here?" she asked in hope to try and change the subject.

"I was.. looking for you..."

"Oh," she said softly.

"I, uh, I got your note."

Buffy smiled. "Bet you never thought you'd see me again."

"You could say that," he agreed.

She nodded. "Are you... I mean..." she looked down.

"I'm glad," he told her. 'More than," he told himself. "I just never thought I would," he smiled softly her way. "You grew up."

She returned his smile. "Yes well, sort of had to. You know, ten years and all."

He nodded. "So... you came here for school?"

"Partly," she almost whispered. "I... I mostly wanted to see you."

He nodded then gulped, feeling the room spin as she stood up and came walking over to him. As his eyes lowered to meet hers, she hurried for fear she'd chicken out and grabbed at his jacket, pulling him down to her.

She'd had too many dreams over the past ten years to let this opportunity pass her by.

Angel hesitated for a moment, scanning quickly over the girl before him. He didn't know how he was going to handle the new information he had been given but right now, he didn't care. Right now he needed this.

At the first gentle touch of his lips to hers, Buffy suddenly knew everything she'd thought for so long had to be true.

She felt a warmth rush through her. She was whole again. She belonged. She was his.


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you really not worried?"

Spike put out his cigarette. "About what?"

"Angelus and the girl."

He shrugged, taking a seat. "Not at the moment, no. This is Angel," he drawled out. "He's not going to rush into anything, ruining the plan. He'll just do enough to make it work," he said with a smile.

"How do you figure that?"

"Being around the bit makes him human enough, lowers his defenses. And that's when we get him. He will be weak enough to grab but once out of her reach, he will be back to the vampire we need."

"And we can still get everything we need from him."

"Exactly," he said with a smile.

OoOoO

Angel's hands moved on their own accord, holding her tighter, slipping his warming hands under her shirt, feeling the sooth skin underneath. He lifted her back into his arms, smiled against her mouth as her legs wrapped around him.

Buffy's hands moved through his hair, against his neck. It made him dizzy.

Walking them over to her small twin bed, Angel lowered her down onto the yellow and orange comforter, then followed down with her. His body blanketed the small teenager's, his mouth never straying from hers.

OoOoO

After being informed of the situation, Spike smiled. "I believe it's showtime," he sang aloud. "Dru, call Holland. Let him know it's about to go down."

Spike watched as his lover's face lit up. She clapped her hands together, jumped up, dancing over to him and kissing him.

Spike lingered for a moment before pulling away. "Make the call, I'll be back soon."

OoOoO

Spike stood in the yard of the dorms, looking from one side to the other. "Are you sure he came here alone?"

"Yes," one of his demons spoke up.

"Good."

"Are you ready for us to go inside?"

Spike pulled out another cigarette. "Not just yet," he said, his eyes looking up at the windows and brick walls. "Give it a few more minutes. I want to make sure." Spike took a few puffs before turning to his group of minions. "I only want the ponce, not the girl," he reminded them. "Do what you must with her, but do not take the girl and do not kill her."

A few minutes passed. Spike looked at his watch then back at the group.

"Time to play," he told them.

OoOoO

Vampire's needed an invite. Other demons did not.

Angel never even heard them coming. Didn't sense or smell them.

Angel was caught up in the girl in his arms, the entire world fell away around him. Somewhere along the way, a few items of clothing had been discarded, but he knew he would not take that big step, not tonight. That didn't mean he didn't want to. And it didn't mean he was going to pass up the opportunity just to kiss her, feel her either.

He felt his body coming alive, in more ways than one, the more he was around her, the more he touched her, the more she touched him.

And then, the door was kicked in. Scaly hands and arms began to grab him, pulling him off the blonde. He went into a panic worrying about her and began to try fighting them off. Most of his demonic strength was gone due to the presence of her but he still had some and he was still quite a strong male as it were. But it wasn't enough. Not after two snuck needles into his arms, drugging him.

The last thing he heard was Buffy screaming. And then the world went black.

OoOoO

When he woke, it all started slowly coming back to him. His eyes opened, with great pain, and he began yanking on his arms.

He was chained in a warehouse. He continued to pull at the restraints.

"It's no use, you know," came a familiar voice. A few moments later, he saw the face to match.

"Spike," he ground out.

"Angelus," he got in return. Spike smiled as he said it, his head tilting slightly forward at him.

Angel went to speak but was cut off by another voice.

"Is he really here?" Drusilla's soft voice carried through.

"Yes, pet," Spike told her. "Come closer. See our dear ol' pal for a moment, hmm?"

"Angelus!" Dru said happily, bending to kiss his cheek. "I have missed you, my daddy."

Angel growled. "Where's Buffy? What did you do with her?"

Spike whispered something in Dru's ear and watched her scamper away. "Your bit is fine, for now. I don't have her, mind you. That was someone's else's two cents thrown in on the deal."

"What deal?"

"Patience, Angelus."

"What are you doing?"

"Making my girl well," he told him. "You're the only one who can."

OoOoO

"What do you mean, you lost her?"

Lindsey sighed, he ran a hand down his face, looking around. "I don't know, man. I'm heading up to grab her when I see her bolting out of the building like a bat out of hell. I do my best to follow her... but I lost her..."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Hey," he said, defensive. "I'm a goddamn lawyer. That's it. I don't do field work."

"Find her!"

OoOoO

Buffy woke up screaming. She was then knocked back out. Until she woke again. Screaming.

"Oh, would you stop?!" a woman's voice said. Buffy opened her eyes to look at her. The woman looked annoyed.

"Who... who are you?"

The woman tilted her head. "I'm Lilah Morgan."

"What do you wa...want with me?"

A man came into view. "We want you to re-release Angelus," he told her.

"Who..who is An...Angelus?" she asked.

"Angel," he told her, taking a seat. "Only the darker version of the city's big hero. The demon inside of him, begging to be let back out, to control the show. The monster he used to be before those damn gypsies got to him."

Buffy swallowed, looking around. "I... I don't und...understand."

Holland smiled at her. "You're more important than you realize, Elizabeth."

OoOoO

Angel fell to the ground, weak. Spike had about drained him up with their little ritual to restore Drusilla's health.

He could hear the two of them celebrating in the background.

Angel's eyes looked around the new room he was in, trying to find something, anything, to use as a weapon. He didn't have much faith in himself at the moment anyway, weapon or not.

"Are you sure you've gotten enough?"

"I am sure, my love," Dru replied. "Remember, we still need him alive anyway."

Spike sighed. "I know. Pity. Always wanted to kill the prick."

OoOoO

"Where are you taking me?" Angel asked after being stuffed in Spike's car and they began to somewhere new.

"To see your love," Dru said, turning backwards in the front seat to look at him.

"You said you didn't have her."

Spike smiled back at him. "And we don't. Someone else does."

"Who?" he demanded.

"Holland Manners, and those over at Wolfram and Hart. I believe you have some history with the evil firm."

Angel growled. That he did. "What the hell do they want with Buffy?"

"The same thing they have since she was born. They want her power, and then they want to kill her, and bring back Angelus in the process."

OoOoO

Buffy flinched as numerous people and demons poked at her, said things she couldn't understand, stole her blood and other bodily fluids. They asked her questions, most she didn't understand.

"What are you doing?" she asked, not for the first time. Her eyes were brimmed with tears.

"Trying to understand you," she was told. "How you tick, how you work."


End file.
